Well seeing as it is St. Patricks Day, I figured why not hear some St Paddys stories from an Irish man himself. Let me introduce you to Bobby from No Monster Club. He has a 20 – track cassette coming out real soon titled ‘Tropical Decibels’. A sneak preview of the new release is below. Take the below with a grain of salt:
What’s the best St Patricks Day you’ve ever had?
I was in the Phoenix Park last St. Patrick’s Day, with my girlfriend. We were having a picnic. It was beautiful. A real typical Irish day in the park; people drunk on Guinness were fighting with hurls and shillelaghs, archbishops were having fun with children in the bushes, uneducated inbreeds were céilí dancing. Then, apropos of nothing, an evil gang of British settlers appeared and made off with a small bag of potatos (ie: crisps) belonging to us. Having lived through the famine, the rebellion, etc., I was used to this bullshit, but at this stage I’ve just had ENOUGH it. So I went in behind a hedge (hence disturbing one of those fellatio-engaged child/priest combos) to perform an ancient Celtic druidistic rite, which involved the brewing of shamrocks, four-leaved clovers, coddle, whiskey and loads of other local shit. And then my skin took on weird green lycra superhero properties, so that I had the ability to stand up to those queen-kissing jerks and get my taytos back. And just when I had defeated them, I realised I could see the end of the rainbow, so I started digging with my hands (cos I’m a filthy animal) until I found a big pot of gold. Actually, it was either gold or stew. And then I met a leprechaun. And then an IRA bomb went off. So then we went home and kept the leprechaun as a pet and had cabbage and potatoes and that was the best St. Patrick’s Day ever. Oh and that was also when I realised that St. Patrick was a phony, because Ireland didn’t really have the climate for snakes in the first place. If I claimed that I ridded this place of mosquitoes (which I did), I probably wouldn’t receive quite the same level of esteem.
Favourite Irish Joke:
Q: How many Irishmen does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One. It’s just a lightbulb. It’s only really a task for one person. Even an Irish person.